Announcer: In the last episode of Soap, Mallu and Franklin were both in trouble at the divorce hearing, since the judge has a history with both of them. Chester's case was troubled when Jessica testified on Annie's behalf. Annie might be in trouble, since she and Danny are sneaking around, and Chester decided to follow her. Corinne and Dutch are sneaking around, and if Eunice finds out, it could mean trouble for them. Jodie saw Maggie again, and they went out, which might get them both in some trouble. Charlie was in trouble when Wendy caught him with another woman, and decided that he was too much trouble for her. Saunders is in trouble since he's out of a job, and Benson might be in trouble, since Saunders warned him he'll go after him. But Scotty is in the biggest trouble of all, since someone grabbed him from behind.
Troubled? You won't be after this episode of SOAP
This is the story of two sisters, Jessica Tate and Mary Campbell. These are the Tates, and these are the Campbells. And this is SOAP.
Scene 1: Tate house, Corinne's bedroom. Corinne and Dutch are in bed together.
Corinne: That was great, Dutch.
Dutch: it was only great because I was with you.
Corinne: Aw, Dutch...
Dutch: I'm serious, Corinne. I haven't felt this way in a long time.
Dutch: Yeah. I love you, Corinne.
Corinne: I love you too, Dutch.
Dutch: You do?
Corinne and Dutch kiss.
Corinne: We have to tell Eunice the truth.
Dutch: I know we do. But I don't know how to tell her.
Corinne: I know it's hard, but if you want to be with me, we can't go sneaking around like this anymore.
Dutch: I know.
Corinne: Why don't you go talk to Eunice?
Dutch: Do I have to do it now?
Corinne: Dutch, you can't put this off anymore.
Dutch: Can't we.....first?
Corinne: Well, ok.
Corinne and Dutch start kissing.
Eunice (from outside): Corinne? Corinne? Have you seen my... (walks into Corinne's room) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
Corinne and Dutch jump up, startled.
Corinne: Eunice! Have you ever heard of knocking?
Eunice: Oh god, tell me I'm dreaming. Tell me my husband isn't in bed with my sister.
Dutch: OK..Eunice, this is all a dream.
Eunice: Dutch!!! How could you do this?
Corinne: There's a very good explanation for this.
Eunice: I know there is. You're a tramp!
Eunice: It wasn't enough that you stole him once from me, you had to do it again.
Corinne: Oh come on, Eunice.
Eunice: You're perverted, Corinne.
Corinne: I'M perverted? Mrs. Sexual Fantasy Queen of the 20th century is calling ME perverted?
Eunice: Alright, Corinne, you're asking for it!
Eunice jumps into Corinne's bed and they start fighting, burying Dutch underneath the covers.
Dutch: Help! Help!
Eunice and Corinne: Oh, shut up, Dutch!
Eunice and Corinne continue fighting.
Jessica (from outside): Corinne? Eunice? Where are you? I want to ask you a question (enters the room) Oh my god....
Corinne, Eunice, and Dutch stop dead in their tracks.
Corinne: Hi, ma!
Jessica: What's going on here?
Corinne: Oh, nothing.
Eunice: Mother, I just caught Dutch and Corinne in bed together.
Jessica: And you decided to join the festivities?
Eunice: No, I was trying to kill Corinne.
Jessica: I see...
Eunice: Mother....Corinne stole my husband. My own sister stole my husband.
Jessica: Don't you hate it when sisters steal stuff? Mary always used to steal my clothes and wear them on her dates. She did that because my clothes were a few sizes smaller and they made her look good, if you know what I mean.
Eunice: Mother....Don't you have anything to say to Corinne?
Jessica: Oh, yes. (to Corinne) Corinne, the next time you try to steal someone's husband, make sure it's not your sister's.
Benson (from outside): Where's everyone? I've been yelling that dinner's ready for 15 minutes. (enters the room) Oh god...
Everyone: Hello, Benson.
Benson (surveying the situation): No wonder you're not coming down to dinner. You're all already having dessert.
Jessica: Benson....Why don't you and I go downstairs and....set the table.
Benson: I already set it.
Jessica: OK, so I'll knock all the plates down and you can set it again.
Jessica grabs Benson by the arm and they walk out.
Eunice: OK, now I want to know what's going on here.
Corinne: Eunice, Dutch has something to tell you....If you'll excuse me, I'll be getting ready for dinner.
Corinne puts on her clothes and leaves the room.
Eunice: Dutch? Do you have something to tell me?
Eunice sits down next to Dutch.
Eunice: Please tell me, Dutch.
Dutch: I don't know how to.
Eunice: Dutch, if you want to leave me for Corinne, just say so right away.
Dutch: I don't want to leave you for Corinne, Eunice.
Eunice: I knew it. I knew you'd leave me for....what did you say?
Dutch: I don't want to leave you.
Eunice: So what DO you want to do? Stay married to me and sleep with Corinne?
Eunice: So what's going to happen?
Dutch: I don't know. I DO love you, Eunice. But I love Corinne too.
Eunice: You can't be with both of us, Dutch.
Dutch: I know that.
Eunice: I'll always be here for you Dutch. I know I can be a pain in the neck, and the way I always yell at you, and the way I'm into fantasies...but Dutch, we can overcome all that. But, if you don't want to, I can understand. Just don't sleep with Corinne anymore.
Dutch: I'm sorry, Eunice. It'll never happen again. I promise.
Eunice: Let's go to dinner.
Dutch and Eunice start to leave, when Dutch stops.
Dutch: Eunice? You mad at me?
Eunice: No....but IF you ever do that again, I'll kill you.
Eunice and Dutch leave the room.
Scene 2: Motel. Danny is in a room, watching TV, when he hears a knock on the window. He opens it and sees Annie. He opens the window and Annie climbs into the room.
Danny hugs Annie.
Annie: Don't ever make me do that again. I almost broke my back climbing that window.
Danny: I'm sorry, but it would have been too risky if you used the door. What if Chester saw us?
Annie: Chester would never come to this dump. No one ever comes here.
Danny: I'm sorry, but I missed you.
Annie: I missed you too.
Danny: How was court today?
Annie: It was good. I have a chance of winning.
Danny: That's terrific.
Annie: And when I DO win, we can finally have what we've dreamed about.
Danny: All I dream about is you. I love you.
Annie: I love you, too.
Annie and Danny lie down on the bed, kissing. The scene shifts from them and the camera is pointed at the window. Chester's face appears at the window. He smiles when he sees what's going on the room.
Scene 3: Campbell living room. The door opens and Jodie and Maggie walk in. Jodie turns on the lights.
Jodie: Well, here we are.
Maggie: Wow, it's been a while since I've been in this house.
Jodie: I know.
Maggie: Not much has changed.
Jodie: No, not much.
There's a moment of silence.
Jodie: Would you like some coffee?
Maggie: I'd love some.
Jodie: Good, I'll go put some coffee in the machine.
Jodie leaves the room and goes into the kitchen. Maggie surveys the room. Chuck and Bob come down the stairs.
Bob: I'm really beginning to hate living here.
Bob: I'm serious. Every night those two animals in the next house start doing it, and I can't sleep.
Chuck: Bob, please...
Bob: And when I DO finally fall asleep, you start snoring. I'm sick of it. (seeing Maggie) Well, hello there.
Maggie: Hello Chuck.
Chuck: Maggie? What are you doing here?
Jodie (coming out of the kitchen): I put on the...oh, hi, Chuck.
Bob: Jodie, what is she doing here?
Bob: Ohhhhhhhhh.....Jodie's getting some good stuff.
Bob: So, Jodie, trying to find out how the other half lives?
Jodie: Bob, do you know what a hammer is?
Jodie: Good, because in a minute my hammer and your head are going to get acquainted.
Bob: Get me outta here, Chuck.
Chuck: We're going to get a glass of milk.
Jodie: You know where the kitchen is.
Chuck: Yes we do.
Chuck and Bob leave.
Jodie: I'm sorry about that.
Maggie: I really see that not much has changed around here.
Jodie: I know.
Maggie: How do you really feel about me?
Jodie: I enjoy being around you.
Jodie: Yes, you make me happy.
Maggie: You make me happy too.
Jodie: Can we pick things up where we left off?
Maggie: I'd like that.
Jodie: Me too.
Jodie and Maggie start kissing when the door opens and Burt walks in.
Burt (seeing Maggie and Jodie): Oh....hello.
Jodie: Hello, Burt.
Jodie: You remember Maggie Chandler?
Burt: Uh....yeah....Uh, hi.
Maggie: Hello, Mr. Campbell.
Burt: Hi...Well, I just came home....I was out, you see...and I came home now...and I think I'll go upstairs to sleep.
Jodie: Good night, Burt.
Burt: I'm sure it WILL be for you.
Burt goes upstairs. Chuck and Bob come out of the kitchen. Bob's shirt is wet.
Bob: You're an idiot, you know that? A real idiot.
Chuck: I'm sorry, Bob.
Bob: Sorry? You spilled milk over my best pyjamas. What am I supposed to do? Sleep without any clothes on?
Chuck: I'll find you another pair.
Bob: I don't want another pair. I want this one. This is my favorite.
Chuck: Yes, Jodie?
Jodie: Go to sleep.
Bob: Let's go, Chuck. We need to give them some privacy. After all, they'll be up all night.
Bob: He's a fruit. It'll take him time to remember what to do with a woman.
Jodie starts to chase Chuck and Bob up the stairs, but changes his mind and stops.
Jodie: I'm sorry about that, Maggie.
Maggie: Oh, not a problem. No problem at all.
Jodie: Now, where were we?
Maggie: I seem to forget.
Jodie: I remember.
Jodie and Maggie start to kiss again when the door opens and Wendy comes in, crying.
Wendy: Oh, dad, I have some terrible news....Oh, hello.
Jodie: Hi, Wendy.
Maggie: This is Wendy?
Maggie: Wow, Wendy. It HAS been a long time.
Wendy: Have we met?
Jodie: Wendy, this is Maggie Chandler. She's a private detective. She helped me find you when you were kidnapped as a little girl.
Wendy: Oh, nice to meet you.
Maggie: Are you ok?
Wendy sits down on the couch and cries.
Maggie: Well, maybe I should get going. Jodie, I had a great time.
Jodie: Me too.
Maggie: I'll call you tomorrow.
Jodie: Please do.
Maggie: Good night, Jodie. Good night, Wendy.
Wendy continues to sob.
Maggie leaves and Jodie locks the door. He sits down next to Wendy.
Jodie: Have a nice evening?
Wendy: Oh, dad. You were right about Charlie.
Jodie: I was?
Wendy: I went to his hotel, and I saw him with another woman.
Wendy cries. Jodie hugs her.
Jodie: Aw, Wendy. I'm sorry.
Wendy: Why? You tried to warn me, and I didn't want to listen. I thought you were lying.
Jodie: I wish I was lying.
Wendy: Dad, what am I going to do?
Jodie: Nothing. You just wait till the next relationship comes along. Come on.
Wendy: Where to?
Jodie: Upstairs. You need a good night's rest.
Wendy: You're the best.
Jodie: Yeah, I know.
Jodie and Wendy go upstairs.
Scene 4: Tate dining room. Corinne and Jessica are seated at the breakfast table.
Jessica: Gee, where IS everyone?
Corinne: Billy had an early class at college to get to.
Jessica: Oh I see. It's so nice that he's going to college.
Corinne: I know.
Jessica: Where's everyone else?
Corinne: Not sure.
Chester walks into the dining room.
Chester: Good morning one and all.
Jessica: Good morning Chester.
Chester: Good morning Jess.
Corinne: Good morning, daddy.
Chester: Good morning, Corinne....What's for breakfast?
Jessica: Benson is cooking.
Benson comes out and gives Jessica and Corinne plates with food.
Benson: What can I get for you?
Chester: Poached eggs, please.
Benson: Very well.
Benson goes into the kitchen.
Jessica: Are you going to court today, Chester?
Chester: Yes I am, Jess.
Jessica: I hope it won't last much longer.
Chester (smiles): Oh don't worry, Jess. I have a feeling it'll all be over VERY soon.
Benson comes out of the kitchen and places a plate in front of Chester.
Chester: I wanted poached eggs.
Chester: These are scrambled eggs, Benson.
Benson (looks at the plate): Yes they are. Very good, Mr. Tate!
Chester: I want poached eggs, Benson.
Benson: You know where the kitchen is.
Benson leaves the dining room.
Chester: Jess, why did Benson get this job?
Jessica: Because he guessed the right number.
Chester looks confused, but gives up and starts eating. All of a sound an explosion is heard from the kitchen. Benson comes out, his clothes are all black.
Jessica: Benson, what happened.
Benson: I was cooking an omelette when the pan exploded. I don't know why.
Corinne goes into the kitchen and comes out with a piece of paper.
Corinne: I found this near the pan that exploded. (reads) Benson, your face is going to look like this omelette when I get through with you. Saunders.
Benson: Oh my god, he's trying to kill me.
Jessica: He's not trying to kill you, Benson. Don't be ridiculous.
Benson: I'm being ridiculous? Well, let me tell you now I'm never going into that kitchen again.
Chester: Benson, we need someone to cook our meals.
Benson: Fine. YOU cook.
Benson leaves the dining room. The Tates continue to eat, when Eunice comes into the kitchen, crying.
Jessica: Eunice, what's wrong?
Eunice: Oh ma, it's Dutch.
Jessica: What about Dutch?
Eunice: He's left me.
Eunice: He left this note.
Chester (reading the note): Dear Eunice. I've gone off to reach a fair decision without any distractions. I'll be back soon with my decision. Please tell Corinne about what I've done. Love, Dutch.
Eunice (crying): He left. And it's all her fault (points to Corinne).
Corinne: MY fault? It's yours for pushing him too far.
Eunice: It's your fault for interfering with my marriage.
Corinne: Oh yeah?
Eunice and Corinne start fighting.
Jessica: Girls! Girls! No fighting at the breakfast table.
Eunice: I'm leaving! I'm going to look for Dutch!
Corinne: So am I!
Eunice: You're not coming, Corinne!
Corinne: Wanna bet?
Eunice: Fine. You can crawl behind the car.
Corinne: I'm going to pack.
Eunice: Don't bother.
Corinne and Eunice leave the dining room arguing.
Chester: Well, I'd better get going too. I need to be in court....Jess?
Jessica: Yes, Chester?
Chester: Would you like to go out with me some time?
Jessica: Chester....We're divorced.
Chester: I'm a new man. Please, Jess...Please give me another chance.
Jessica: I'll think about it....You'd better go now.
Chester: Goodbye, Jess.
Chester leaves the dining room. Jessica remains there, drinking her coffee.
Scene 5: Alien spaceship. Scotty wakes up.
Scotty: Oh my god....what happened??
The aliens and Saul walk in.
Head Alien: Hello, Scotty.
Scotty: Huh? What's going on here?
Head Alien: You're on our spaceship.
Scotty looks puzzled for a moment and then starts laughing.
Scotty: OK Scotty, wake up now. It's morning. Rise and shine! Wake up, Scotty!
Scotty pinches himself.
Head Alien: I'm afraid you're not dreaming.
Scotty: Oh my god, I really am on a spaceship!
Head Alien: Yes, you are.
Scotty: What do you want? How did you get me?
Head Alien: He went down to earth and picked you up (points to Saul).
Saul: Hi, I'm Saul.
Scotty: Nice to meet you....how long have you been here?
Saul: It's going on 2030 years now.
Scotty: You're looking good.
Saul: Thanks. I exercise every day.
Scotty: Very nice. (to Head Alien) Listen, can you finish up here quickly? I'm tired and I want to go home.
Head Alien: Home?
Scotty: Yes, to my family.
Head Alien: WE are your family. He is your father (points to one of the other aliens, who starts jumping up and down).
Scotty: He's an eccentric fellow.....Listen, my father is Burt Campbell, the sherriff of Dunn's River.
Head Alien: No he is not. He is (points to the other alien, who starts jumping up and down)
Scotty: Oh come on...
Head Alien: Really. In 1979 we kidnapped Burt Campbell and sent down him as a replica of him. He slept with your mother, and your mother became pregnant and you were born. So you see? He's your father (points to the other alien, who starts jumping up and down).
Scotty: Oh god...But this DOES explain...
Head Alien: Your special powers?
Scotty: Yes! How did you know?
Head Alien: We've been observing you since you were born. We've waited for the right time to bring you to our spaceship, and the right time is now.
Scotty: Oh, god, please let me go! Please! I don't belong here! I belong on Earth! Please!
Head Alien: I am sorry, but your father has decided that you must stay here with us. And that's the way it has to be. So, you'll be here forever.
Aliens and Saul leave the room. Scotty is left alone, scared and confused.
Announcer: Will Maggie and Jodie ever re-kindle their relationship? Or will they continue to be interrupted? Will Wendy find another man to replace Charlie? Will Corinne and Eunice find Dutch's hiding place? And if they do, will Dutch still want them? What will Chester do now that he's caught Danny and Annie together? And will he ever succeed in getting Jessica back? What will Benson do now that Saunders is trying to kill him? Will he stay out of the kitchen forever? And if he does, will the Tates starve? And now that the aliens told Scotty that he can't leave, what will he do? Will he join Saul on the treadmill? These questions and many others will be answered on the next episode of:
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