Announcer: In the last episode of Soap, Eunice and Corinne disappeared when they went to look for Dutch, who had disappeared from the Tate house. Annie's chances of winning her case against Chester disappeared almost completely when Chester and his lawyer exposed her and Danny's behavior. Mallu wishes he had disappeared when Annie was exposed. Franklin and Mallu would each like the other to disappear, and the judge wishes they'd both disappear. And the aliens agreed to let Scotty off their ship, but in return his powers would disappear. Scotty agreed, and then the aliens beamed him off the ship and he disappeared.
Confused? Don't disappear! Sit down and stay tuned for this episode of SOAP
This is the story of two sisters, Jessica Tate and Mary Campbell. These are the Tates, and these are the Campbells. And this is SOAP.
Announcer: We begin this episode of Soap, shortly after Scotty was beamed down from the spaceship.
Scene 1: Campbell living room. Burt is sitting on the couch, looking worried, when the doorbell rings. Burt opens the door. It's Scotty.
Scotty and Burt hug.
Burt: Where the hell have you been? I've been worried sick. You just disappeared.
Scotty: Dad...please don't use that word.
Burt: Come in. Sit down....now, tell me, where were you?
Scotty: You're not going to believe it when I tell you.
Burt: Sure I will.
Scotty: No you won't.
Burt: Come on, Scotty...Tell me.
Scotty: I was on a spaceship.
Burt is silent.
Scotty: You don't believe me??
Burt: Sure I do....what did it look like?
Scotty: Well, it was really tall, and there were many rooms there.
Burt: What did the aliens look like?
Scotty: Well, they were very short...and silver.
Scotty: Yeah. And there was this 4000 year-old guy there...his name was Saul.
Burt: My god....do you know what this means?
Scotty: That his family are all dead by now?
Burt: No...it means that we were on the same spaceship.
Burt: Why? Why? Why would they come back now? Why come back now after more than 20 years? (to Scotty) Did they tell you why they came back?
Scotty: No, dad.
Burt: Damn. I need to find out why they came back.
Scotty: OK, dad. I'll tell you the truth....they came back to take my special powers away.
Scotty: Yes. They said that I got these powers by accident and they took them away.
Burt: Did they say anything else?
Scotty: No, that's all....I swear it, Dad...are you ok?
Burt: Great. I'm even better now that you're back. I was so worried.
Scotty: It's great to be back.
Burt: Anyway, it's late. We'd better get to bed.
Scotty: I'll be there in a minute. I want get something to eat.
Burt: OK. Good night, Scotty.
Scotty: Good night, Dad.
Burt starts going upstairs.
Burt turns around.
Scotty: I almost forgot. Saul wanted me to give this to you.
Scotty takes out Burt's watch and puts it in Burt's hands.
Burt: Wow....I remember this watch.
Scotty: Yeah. Saul wanted you to know that he valued your friendship.
Burt: This is great. (yawns) I'm bushed. Good night.
Scotty: Good night.
Burt goes upstairs.
Scotty: I can never tell dad what the aliens told me....that he's not my father. That one of them is. He can never find out about this.
Scotty goes into the kitchen.
Scene 2: Court room. Mallu and Annie are at their desk, talking.
Annie: Yesterday was bad...real bad.
Mallu: You're telling me? Those pictures made you look bad....but lucky for you, you're dealing with E. Ronald Mallu here. I can get us out of this mess. I always know what to say, and what to do.
Annie: That's great...so what are you going to do?
Mallu: I have no clue.
Chester and Franklin enter the court room and sit down.
Franklin: Now, remember, practice what we went over last night, and you'll be ok.
Chester: You got it.
Bailiff walks into the court room.
Bailiff: All rise! Court is now in session! The honorable judge Dave Mckinley presides.
Judge: You may be seated. (to Mallu) Mallu, do you have any more witnesses to call?
Mallu: No, your honor.
Judge: Good. It was getting really boring. (to Franklin) Franklin, you're up. Make it short. The quicker I get out of here, the better.
Franklin: Whatever you say, your honor. I call Chester Tate to the stand.
Chester takes the stand.
Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you god?
Chester: Of course I do.
Bailiff: Just checking.
Bailiff goes to his stand.
Franklin: Please state your name to the court.
Chester: Chester Tate.
Franklin: Mr. Tate, please describe how you met your wife Annie.
Chester: It was at my daughter Eunice's wedding. She was the maid of honor. It was love at first sight.
Franklin: Sorry, your honor. (to Chester) So what happened after you met her at the wedding?
Chester: We moved into the pool house together. I was very good to her. I loved her, and gave her everything she needed. Eventually we got married.
Franklin: How did you feel when you saw your wife and your son in bed together?
Chester: It was awful...I didn't know what to do...My mind was completely fogged up...I didn't know what to do, so I tried to kill them (begins sobbing) Oh god, it was so awful....
Chester starts crying.
Annie: Please...Mallu, what should we do?....Mallu?
Annie looks at Mallu and sees that he's crying.
Mallu: That was the most beautiful thing I ever heard.
Annie: Mallu...you're supposed to be on my side.
Mallu: Oh yeah....sorry.
Judge (to Chester): Mr. Tate, stop crying. You're a grown man, for god's sakes. How pathetic.
Chester stops crying.
Chester: I'm sorry your honor.
Judge: Yeah, whatever. (to Franklin) Go ahead, Franklin.
Franklin: The point I'm trying to make is that my client suffered from a mental instability which started when he saw 2 of the most important people in his life, his wife and his son, together in bed. And that's what caused him to be in a mental institution for 19 years. And that's precisely why Mrs. Tate doesn't deserve a penny of my client's estate....Thank you.
Mallu: Wow, what a speech. He's better than I thought.
Judge: Mallu, your turn.
Mallu: Thank you. (to Chester) Mr. Tate, you're stating that you loved my client, is that right?
Mallu: If you loved her as much as you said you did, why did you walk out on her? Huh? Why? Why???
Chester: Because I wasn't sure that I really loved her. I would've come back to her eventually, but I was so confused.
Judge: Mallu...finish up already.
Mallu: Of course. (to Chester) Mr. Tate, in 1978 you were convicted for murder, is that true?
Chester: Yes, it is.
Mallu: And isn't it true that you claimed temporary insanity caused it?
Mallu: So couldn't it have been that your so-called insanity wasn't temporary at all, and it caused you to try to kill your wife and son? Couldn't it have been that you have been mentally incompetent all these years?
Chester: Well, I....I don't know.
Mallu: My point exactly. No further questions.
Judge (to Chester): You may step down.
Chester steps down.
Judge: Anymore witnesses, Franklin?
Franklin: No, your honor.
Judge: Thank god...Court will reconvene this afternoon at 4 p.m. I will render my decision at that time.
Franklin: Your honor?
Judge: What do you want, Franklin?
Franklin: Don't we get to make closing statements?
Judge: No. I can't stand sitting here for another minute and listening to this drivel. I've had enough for one day.
Bailiff: All rise!
Judge leaves and Bailiff leaves.
Mallu (to Annie): So how was I?
Annie: Better than I expected.
Mallu: I told you I wouldn't let you down, didn't I?
Annie: Yes...but what about the pictures?
Mallu: Don't worry. Now that I've made Chester look like the nut that he is, no one will care about a bunch of silly pictures. See ya at 4.
Mallu and Annie leave.
Chester (to Franklin): So, what do you think?
Franklin: It's hard to tell. It can go either way, now that Mallu made you look crazy.
Chester: I can't lose. I absolutely can't.
Franklin: Relax. Just be here at 4. We have a good chance.
Chester: OK. See you then.
Chester: I can't wait. This afternoon, I'll win, Annie will lose, and I'll get Jessica back. This is going to be wonderful.
Scene 3: A bar in Texas. Corinne and Eunice walk in.
Corinne: I can only thank god that we made it here alive.
Eunice: What do you mean?
Corinne: Eunice, they way you drive, it's a surprised we're not arrested, or dead.
Eunice: Come on, Corinne. At least I know how to drive. You drive so slowly, you'd think a turtle is driving the car.
Corinne: Alright, that's it. I've had enough of you, Eunice. You've been on my case since we left.
Eunice: That's right. Because it's my husband we're looking for, and I didn't want you to come along.
Corinne: He may be your husband, but it's me that he loves.
Eunice: Just shut up, Corinne. We've been on the road for days. I'm tired and hungry. Let's have a drink.
Corinne: Good idea.
Eunice and Corinne sit down. A man approaches Corinne.
Man: Hey, gorgeous.
Man: How you doing?
Corinne: Fine. Just fine.
Man: Only fine?
Corinne: Yes, only fine.
Man: That's because you've just met me.
Corinne: Is that a fact?
Man: Yep. Because once a woman's been with me, she's better than fine. She's excellent.
Man: Yep...can I buy you a drink?
Corinne: I don't think so. I'm not interested.
Man: What's your name?
Corinne: Corinne. This is Eunice (points to Eunice)
Man: Hello, Eunice.
Man: So, Corinne, how about we don't have that drink here, but back at my place.
Corinne: I'm sorry, but I'm not that kind of girl.
Man looks at Corinne and Eunice surprised.
Man: You mean to tell me that the two of you are...whoa, I'm sorry!
Corinne: She's my sister!
Man: That's even worse!
Eunice: We're not lesbians.
Man: You're not?
Man: Oh, boy, do I feel foolish....Listen, Corinne, now I have to buy you a drink. To make up for what I said.
Corinne: No thanks.
Eunice: You can buy me a drink.
Man: I don't think so....(to Corinne) Listen, sweetheart, I'll be at the bar if you need me. And if you want my address, just ask the bartender.
Man starts to walk away.
Eunice: I'm really thirsty....can I have your address?
Man ignores Eunice.
Corinne: Eunice, you are disgusting.
Corinne: You're married, remember?
Corinne: So you're flirting with some drunk at a bar, while your husband is missing.
Eunice: Oh, please, it's not like my husband is here.
Corinne: That's precisely why he left you.
Eunice: No, he left me because a slut like you seduced him.
Corinne: Only because he wasn't getting any from you.
Eunice: He was getting plenty from me.
Corinne: Oh, I must've missed a word. I meant to say he wasn't getting anything good from you.
Eunice: Oh, that was harsh, Corinne!! I HATE YOU!!!!
Corinne: I hate you too.
Eunice and Corinne start fighting. Man comes up to stop them.
Man: Hey, hey....knock it off...Instead of fighting, why don't you come back to my place?
Eunice and Corinne stop fighting.
Corinne: Look, we're not trying to be picked up. We're looking for a man.
Man: I'm not good enough??
Eunice: No, we're looking for a specific man. He's my husband.
Corinne: And my lover. He ran away.
Man: He was sleeping with both of you at the same time??
Corinne and Eunice nod.
Man: And he ran away???
Eunice: This is his picture. We were told he came around here. Have you seen him?
Man looks at the picture. All of a sudden his mouth opens.
Man: That's Dutch.
Corinne: You know him?
Man: Are you kidding?? Every man in this town knows him.
Eunice: Was he here?
Man: Yeah he was. He got into a fight with some guys here the other night. The police came and he ran off.
Corinne: Did he say where he was going?
Man: Nope. Nobody likes him round here. We're hoping he never comes back here. If I were the two of you, I'd stay away from him.
Man: He's unstable. A real nut.
Eunice: You're sure you don't know where he went?
Man: Honest. Maybe the bartender knows.
Man: Welcome....so what's my reward?
Man: Yeah, for giving you the information.
Corinne: Oh....how about you buy me a drink?
Man: OK. (to Bartender) hey, man, get me a beer for the lady.
Bartender gives him a beer. Man gives it to Corinne.
Corinne takes the beer and spills it all over the man.
Corinne: That was for trying to pick me up....Let's get outta here, Eunice.
Eunice and Corinne leave the bar. Everyone looks at the man.
Man: I had a little accident...Nothing too exciting....Aaaarrrrgggghhhhhhhhh!!!!
Scene 4: Courthouse. Chester, Billy and Jessica walk in.
Chester: Thanks for being here for me, Jess and Billy.
Billy: No problem. I had nothing better to do. I only have a huge exam tomorrow.
Billy: Sorry, ma.
Burt, Danny and Annie walk in.
Chester: Oh wonderful, here comes the whore.
Danny: Watch it, Chester!
Chester: Shut up!
Chester and Danny start fighting. Burt breaks them up.
Burt: Guys, guys, stop. At least wait until the judge delivers his verdict. Then you'll have a real reason to fight.
Chester walks away.
Danny: Thanks, Burt.
Burt: No problem, Danny. Just take it easy.
Danny: I'll try, but he makes me so mad!!
Burt: Just calm down.
Danny: I'll try.
Mallu walks in.
Annie: Mallu! Thank god! I was afraid you might not show up.
Mallu: Ha! I always show up!
Danny: So what are our chances?
Mallu: It's hard to tell...
Annie: Come on, Mallu, be straight with me.
Mallu: OK...I'll be honest....the chances are pretty awful.
Mallu sees Jessica.
Mallu: Oh my god? Is that who I think it is? Excuse me...
Mallu rushes to Jessica.
Mallu: Jessica, Jessica, it's so good to see you.
Jessica: Hello, Mr. Mallu. It's nice to see you.
Mallu: Oh, Jessica, Jessica....after the judge reveals the verdict, let's go away together! Just the two of us!
Chester approaches Mallu and Jessica.
Chester: Mallu, what do you think you're doing?
Mallu: Get away from here, Tate. This is none of your business.
Chester: Oh really? She's my wife.
Mallu: Ex-wife. She's mine.
Chester: Over my dead body!
Mallu rolls up his sleeves.
Mallu: If that's what it takes, so be it.
Chester: Alright that's it!
Chester and Mallu start fighting. Burt and Billy run to break them up.
Billy: Hey, come on, stop it.
Mallu and Chester stop.
Mallu: I'll stop for now....but rest assured, I will be back.
Chester: I can hardly wait.
Mallu walks away.
Franklin enters the courtroom.
Franklin: Hello, all.
Franklin puts his briefcase down.
Franklin: Alright, let's get on with it.
Mallu: Good idea. I can't wait to win.
Franklin: Hah! Now that's a good joke.
Bailiff: All rise! Court is now in session. The honorable judge Dave Mckinley presides.
Judge: You may be seated.
Everyone sits down.
Judge: In the case of Annie Tate vs. Chester Tate....Ladies and gentlemen, ever since this morning, I've been sitting in my chambers agonizing and agonizing and agonizing over my decision. This was a very hard decision to make, and I thought and thought and thought about it...
Mallu: Your honor?
Judge: What is it, Mallu?
Mallu: Can we please just hear the verdict?
Judge: Well, aren't we in a rush today....What's the matter, are you in hurry to cheat another court?
Mallu: I'm sure you didn't mean that the way it sounded.
Judge: Did it sound mean?
Judge: Well, that's exactly how I meant it....as I was saying I thought and thought and agonized and agonized, and finally I made a decision....Mr. Tate, you appeared as a nice, decent, honest man, and so I had decided to rule in your favor.
Franklin jumps up.
Franklin: Yes!! Yes!! I finally beat Mallu! Yes!!
Judge: Franklin, I'm not finished. Sit down and shut up.
Franklin sits down.
Judge: As I was saying, I had decided to rule in Mr. Tate's favor... But then I did some investigating. And I found out that it was you, Mr. Tate, who took those embarrassing pictures of your wife and your son in the motel. It was a disgraceful thing to do! Stooping so low as to take compromising photos to win a case is absolutely disgusting, Mr. Tate! This court does not approve of such behavior! And therefore, I have decided to rule in favor of Annie Tate!
Annie and Danny hug.
Judge: I rule that half of Mr. Tate's estate will go to Mrs. Tate, plus another $3 million mental cruelty.
Judge gets up.
Franklin: Your honor, my client and I find this ruling cruel and unjust!
Judge: Oh really, Franklin? Well, I have something to tell you.
Judge sticks his tongue out at Franklin.
Judge: Too bad for you!!! This court is adjourned!
Bailiff: All rise!
Bailiff leaves. Pandemonium breaks loose in the courtroom.
Annie: Mr. Mallu, thank you so much. For a while I didn't think you could do it.
Mallu: Did I not tell you that I always win? My streak lives!
Scene shifts to Franklin and Chester.
Franklin: I'm sorry about this, Mr. Tate.
Chester: Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Franklin grabs his suitcase. On the way out he stops next to Mallu.
Franklin: You did it again. I can't believe you did it again.
Mallu: No hard feelings.
Franklin: Are you kidding??? Of course there are hard feelings!! I'll be leaving now, but I will see you again, and I WILL have my day!! You'll see!
Mallu: If there's one thing I hate it's a sore loser. See you all later.
Mallu leaves the courtroom.
Chester: I can't believe it. I just can't believe it.
Jessica: Why are you in a bad mood, Chester?
Billy: Because he lost, ma.
Jessica: He did??
Jessica: I see...
Chester: Oh god, what am I going to do? What will I do?
Jessica: Come on now, Chester. Everything will be fine. You can stay at the house until things work out for you.
Chester: I can?
Chester: Thanks, Jess.
Scene shifts to Danny, Annie, and Burt.
Burt: Congratulations, to both of you.
Annie: Thanks, Burt.
Danny: And thanks for your support.
Burt: Anything for you, Danny, you know that.
Burt hugs Danny and Annie.
Burt: If you'll excuse me...
Burt walks over to talk to the Tates.
Danny: Let's go home and celebrate.
Annie: Danny, there's something I have to tell you.
Danny: What is it?
Annie: I'm leaving.
Danny: I know. I'll leave with you and we'll celebrate.
Annie: No, Danny, you don't understand.
Annie: Hold on.
Annie gets up on a chair.
Annie: Everyone, can I have your attention please? I have an announcement to make.
Billy: Make it quick, I have an exam tomorrow.
Jessica: Billy, please...
Billy: Sorry...go ahead, Annie.
Annie: As I was saying, I have an announcement to make. I knew that I'd beat Chester, and so I bought myself a ticket to the Caribbean. From there, I'll be seeing the world. I'm leaving right away. Mrs. Tate, thank you so much for letting me stay in your pool house.
Jessica: Oh, anytime, Annie.
Annie: Thanks. I just wanted to tell everyone how happy I am to win.
Chester: Stop gloating, Annie.
Annie: Oh, Chester, shut up.
A honk is heard from outside.
Annie: Oh, that must be my cab. I'll send for my things, but I need to leave here as soon as possible.
Annie: There's just one more thing I have to say to all of you.
Everyone: What's that?
Annie: So long, suckers!!!! I've wanted to say that for a long time.
Annie gets off the chair and leaves the courthouse. Everyone is shocked, especially Danny.
Jessica: How nice. Now you can stay in the pool house, Chester.
Announcer: Now that Chester has lost almost all his money, what will he do? Will he get a job? Now that Annie has left him, what will Danny do? Now that Corinne and Eunice have found out that Dutch is somewhere in Texas, will they give up their search? Will they continue to look for Dutch, or just flirt with other men? And now that Scotty is without powers, will he take up another hobby? Will he ever tell Burt the truth about his paternity? These questions and many others will be answered in the next episode of:
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