Announcer: In the last episode of Soap, Burt and Danny decided to run for sherriff and deputy. If they win, they hope all the criminals won't run away from the law. Saunders tried to kill Benson again, but Benson ran out of the room before he could get a chance. At a fancy restaurant, the Campbells almost ran the place out of business when they started a food fight. Charlie tried to get Wendy back, but she pushed him away and ran out of there as fast as she could. In order to help Dutch, Corinne and Eunice decided to go visit him to get ideas to help him, but a mysterious person decided to run after them.
Confused? You won't be after this episode of SOAP.
This is the story of two sisters, Jessica Tate and Mary Campbell. These are the Tates, and these are the Campbells. And this is SOAP.
Scene 1: Tate kitchen. Jessica is sitting at the table, when Billy walks in.
Billy: Hi, ma.
Jessica: Hello, dear.
Billy: What's new?
Jessica: Oh, nothing much. I'm worried about Corinne and Eunice.
Billy: Oh, yeah. I can't believe Dutch got accused of murder.
Jessica: I know. But it's not like he isn't used to it.
Billy: Ma...do you think he did it?
Jessica: I don't know, Billy. But I can't help feeling that if he murdered someone once before...
Billy: Maybe he's capable of doing it again.
Jessica: Yes, exactly.
Billy: Well, I don't think he's a murderer. One time he and I went fishing and Dutch wouldn't even kill a fish.
Jessica: That's nice. It's going to be a weird Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. Corinne and Eunice won't be here, and neither will Daddy and Mary.
Billy: Remember the year that Gramps decided the turkey was German and tried to take it hostage?
Jessica: Yes, I remember....Those were the days...
Billy: They sure were....Ma?
Jessica: Yes, Billy?
Billy: I need to talk to you about Thanksgiving dinner.
Jessica: What about it?
Billy: I was wondering if I can invite someone here...someone with no family of her own.
Jessica: Oh. It's your girlfriend, isn't it?
Billy: Yeah, it is.
Jessica: That's nice. What's she like?
Billy: Well...I met her at college.
Jessica: That's wonderful. My son is dating a college girl.
Jessica: So, what else can you tell me about her?
Billy: Well...You know her very well.
Jessica: Ooh, this is exciting. A famous college girl. What's her name?
Billy: Come on, Ma. What's in a name? We all have names. Who needs names?
Billy (mumbling): Leslie.
Jessica's eyes widen.
Jessica: Leslie Walker?
Jessica: Billy...Why her?
Billy: I'm in love with her, Ma.
Jessica: But she tried to kill you.
Billy: I know. But She's not like that anymore. She's changed. She promised me....Please, Ma.
Billy: Thanks, Ma. You're the best.
Jessica: So are you.
Billy: I love you, Ma.
Jessica: I know.
Billy: I'm going to go call Leslie.
Jessica: OK. See you later.
Billy turns to leave. He stops at the door and turns around.
Jessica: Yes, Billy?
Jessica smiles. Billy leaves.
Scene 4: Jail in Texas. Dutch is in the visitors' room when Eunice and Corinne walk in.
Dutch: Corinne! Eunice! It's so good to see both of you.
Eunice: It's good to see you too, Dutch.
Eunice and Corinne sit down. Dutch sits down opposite them.
Dutch: Did you two have a good Thanksgiving?
Corinne: It wasn't as good without you.
Dutch: Aw, that's sweet.
Eunice: God, Dutch, look at you. You're in prison again. I can't stand this...
Eunice gets up and opens the door.
Eunice (shouting outside): DIRTY SCREWS!!!!
Corinne grabs Eunice and closes the door.
Corinne: Are you crazy, Eunice?
Dutch: Eunice, you've gotta calm down.
Eunice: I'm sorry. It just makes me so mad, seeing my husband in jail.
Corinne: I know, Eunice, it makes me angry too.
Eunice: Well, you're NOT his wife.
Eunice: So you have no right to be angry about it.
Corinne: Oh yeah?
Corinne: Shut up, Eunice.
Eunice: You shut up, Corinne.
Corinne and Eunice start shouting at each other.
Dutch: Corinne! Eunice! Stop it, both of you!
Corinne and Eunice stop.
Dutch: Look at the two of you. You're behaving like a couple of children.
Eunice: I'm sorry, Dutch.
Corinne: Me too.
Dutch: Your fighting is completely stupid and useless. I mean, even though you're fighting for me...a hunk....a great guy...an overall nice human being...hell, you should be tearing each other's eyes out.
Dutch: Sorry, I lost my head. Look, if you want to help me, you need to get along.
Corinne: OK, we'll get along. What do you want us to do?
Eunice: We'll do anything.
Dutch: Good. You need to find the real killer.
Corinne: How will we do that?
Dutch: You're both resourceful. I'm sure you'll think of something.
Eunice and Corinne look at each other and remain silent.
Dutch: I love both of you. Honestly. But if either of you want a chance with me, you need to help me.
Eunice: We'll do everything we can. Won't we, Corinne?
Corinne: Yes, we will.
The door opens and a cop walks in.
Cop: Time's up.
Dutch: Well, you'd better both go.
Corinne: We'll be back soon.
Eunice: As soon as we find something, we'll be back.
Dutch: Be careful.
Eunice: We will.
Dutch: Bye Corinne. Bye Eunice.
Corinne: Bye Dutch.
Corinne and Eunice leave.
Cop: Who are those?
Dutch: My wife and her sister. Her sister's my girlfriend.
Cop: You're with both of them?
Cop: Damn you prisoners, you always have all the luck.
Scene shifts to outside the police station.
Corinne: We need to help Dutch.
Eunice: I know. But how?
Corinne: I have an idea. Come on.
Eunice and Corinne leave the police station. After they leave, a shadow appears and seems to follow them. Fade to black.
Scene 3: Maggie's Apartment. Maggie is there, setting a table for 4 when the doorbell rings. Maggie opens it. It's Jodie.
Jodie: Hi. How are you?
Maggie: Fine. Come on in.
Jodie walks inside and Maggie closes the door.
Maggie: Where's Wendy?
Jodie: She had a problem with her make-up, so Burt is going to drop her off here later.
Maggie: Oh, good.
Maggie: Oh yeah....Mike!
A young man, Mike Caldwell, comes out of the other room.
Maggie: Hi, Mike. This is Jodie Dallas. Say hi.
Jodie: Hi, Mike.
Mike: Hi...(to Maggie) I thought you said I was meeting a girl.
Maggie: You are. She'll be here anytime soon. This is Jodie, MY date.
Jodie: Hi. I'm also Wendy's father.
Jodie: The girl you'll be meeting.
Mike: Oh. It's nice to meet you.
Jodie: Same here.
Maggie: Mike is my nephew...well, actually, he's my ex-husband's nephew. You know...
Jodie: The one who left you for another man.
Maggie: That's the one.
Mike: But I still consider Aunt Maggie my aunt. I just can't get used to the fact that my new aunt has a beard.
Jodie: How nice.
There's a moment of silence.
Jodie: So, Mike, what do you do?
Mike: I'm a student at New York University.
Maggie: Mike is a student of computer science.
Mike: I'm studying to be a computer programmer.
Jodie: That's amazing.
The doorbell rings. Maggie opens it. It's Wendy.
Wendy: Hi, Maggie. Happy Thanksgiving.
Maggie: Hi, Wendy. I'm glad you could come.
Wendy walks in.
Wendy: Hi, dad. Sorry I couldn't go with you, but I lost my eye shadow.
Jodie: That's ok.
Wendy (to Maggie): You know what it's like when you lose your eye shadow. You simply cannot leave the house.
Maggie: I know exactly what you mean. The eye shadow should be considered the most important part of the make-up.
Jodie: Excuse me? Do you mind?
Wendy: Gee, dad, I thought you'd be interested in this sort of discussion.
Jodie: I don't think so.
Wendy: Never mind, then.
Jodie: So, Wendy, how was your ride over here with Burt?
Wendy: It would've been great, except grandpa Burt kept opening the window and shouting at people to vote for Burt - The Choice That Won't Hurt.
Mike: Burt Campbell? That's your grandfather?
Jodie: My stepfather. You know him?
Mike takes a "Vote for Burt" sticker out of his pocket.
Wendy spots Mike.
Wendy: Who's this?
Jodie: Oh, gee. Where's my head? Wendy, this is Mike Caldwell. Mike, this is my daughter, Wendy Dallas.
Mike: It's nice to meet you, Wendy.
Wendy: Nice to meet you too.
Maggie: Mike is my nephew.
Wendy: Oh, I should've noticed the resemblance.
Jodie: Mike is a student of computer science.
Wendy: That's nice.
Jodie: And he's single...
Mike is obviously hurt by Wendy's last comment.
Maggie: Why don't I go check on dinner?
Mike: I'll go with you.
Mike and Maggie go into the kitchen. Jodie and Wendy remain in the living room.
Jodie: That wasn't a very nice thing to do.
Wendy: Dad...did you invite me over here just to meet Mike?
Jodie: Of course not....where would you get an idea like that....yes.
Jodie: I'm sorry, Wendy, but you've been so upset lately, I thought this would cheer you up.
Wendy: Well, maybe I don't want to meet anybody right now.
Jodie: You're still hung up on Charlie, aren't you?
Jodie: Wendy! He was a two-timing creep!
Wendy: I know, but I can't get over him.
Jodie: Well, how long can you sit at home thinking about him? You need to get out and meet people.
Wendy: Well, I'm just not ready to go out with someone else.
Jodie: You don't have to go out with him, but at least be nice to him.
Wendy: OK. I'll be nice.
Maggie and Mike come out of the kitchen, both holding some dishes with food. They put the dishes on the table.
Maggie: Why don't we all sit down.
Jodie: Good idea. I'm starving.
Everyone approaches the table. Mike pulls up a chair for Wendy. She smiles and sits down. He sits down on the opposite side of her, and Maggie and Jodie sit opposite each other.
Maggie: Why don't we start with a toast.
Maggie pours everyone some wine.
Maggie: This is a toast to all of us. May we have many things to be thankful for this year. Cheers!
Maggie: Why don't you all take some salad, and I'll go check on the turkey.
Jodie: I'll go with you.
Jodie and Maggie go into the kitchen.
Maggie: That was an awful start with Mike and Wendy.
Jodie: Relax. I told Wendy to be nice to him.
Maggie: Good. I think he likes her. They'd make a good couple.
Jodie: Just like us.
Maggie: Do you mean that?
Jodie: Of course. I love you, Maggie Chandler.
Maggie: I love you too.
Maggie and Jodie kiss.
Scene shifts to the living room. Wendy has moved to the couch and is reading a magazine. Mike comes up to her and sits down next to her.
Mike: Would you like to go out for a drink with me?
Wendy: Why would I want to do that?
Mike: So you can apologize to me.
Wendy: For what?
Mike: For snubbing me before.
Wendy: I don't think so.
Mike: OK, then, why don't we just go for a walk?
Wendy: You don't give up, do you?
Mike: No. I'm determined to get you to go out with me.
Wendy: Don't try too hard.
Mike: Come on, Wendy. It's not that big a deal. Just 2 people sitting, drinking and having a good time. If you get tired of me, you can always leave. What do you say?
There's a moment of silence.
There's another moment of silence. Wendy smiles.
Wendy: Where did you say you want to have that drink?
Mike smiles too. He puts his hand forward and helps Wendy get up. He helps her put her jacket on and then puts on his. Jodie and Maggie walk into the room.
Jodie: Hey, where are you going?
Mike: Well, we figured we might as well let the two of you have dinner alone, so we'll be going out to dinner.
Wendy: Yeah, so have a happy Thanksgiving.
Maggie: Have fun, you two.
Mike: Don't wait up.
Wendy and Mike leave. Jodie and Maggie smile at each other and sit down for dinner.
Scene 4: The Tate living room, later that night. Jessica comes down the stairs and greets Benson.
Jessica: Hello, Benson.
Benson: Hi, Mrs. Tate.
Jessica: Is everything ready yet?
Benson: Yes it is.
Jessica: Good. I can't wait for everyone to get here.
The doorbell rings. Jessica looks at Benson.
Benson: You want me to get that?
Jessica: Well, it would be nice.
Benson: Oh, alright.
Benson picks up a bat and walks to the door. He opens the door and swings the bat, almost hitting Chester.
Chester: Benson...What are you doing?
Benson: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were Saunders.
Chester: This is getting ridiculous.
Benson: Better be safe than sorry.
Chester walks into the house.
Chester: Jess...You look lovely tonight.
Jessica: Thanks, Chester.
Chester looks around.
Chester: Hey...where's what's his name?
Jessica: Mr. Mallu is not invited tonight.
Chester: He isn't?
Benson: Thank god.
Chester starts jumping up and down.
Chester: Yes!!! Yes!!!! No Mallu!!!!
Jessica: Chester....Behave yourself. The Campbells are coming over.
Chester: Oh god....I'd rather have Mallu.
Jessica: Chester....Behave yourself or go back to the poolhouse.
Chester: I'm sorry, Jess.
Jessica: Now, that's much better. It's Thanksgiving. We should be with family.
Chester: Alright, Jess. You're right. I'll be good. I won't even fight with Burt tonight.
Jessica: That a boy, Chester.
The doorbell rings.
Benson: Gee, who could that be?
Jessica: I don't know.
Benson: I suppose you'd like me to go see.
Jessica: Well, you ARE the butler.
Benson: Of course.
Benson grabs his bat and opens the door. It's the Campbells. Benson is about to swing the bat, but puts it down.
Burt: Hey, Benson. Nice bat. Don't forget to vote for me.
Burt, Danny, Jodie, Chuck and Bob, Wendy and Scotty walk in.
Jessica: Hello, Burt.
Burt: Hi, Happy Thanksgiving. I brought some wine for you.
Jessica: Oh, what kind?
Burt: I don't know. Something I bought at the liquor store. It cost a fortune.
Benson: Yeah...It cost a dollar more than your usual 99 cents.
Benson takes the wine.
Benson: Great. One sip of this and they'll be even nuttier than usual.
Jessica: Why don't we all sit down before dinner.
Everyone sits down.
Jessica: So, Wendy, how are you doing?
Wendy: Great....I feel like stuffing a turkey bone down my throat.
Jessica: And how are you, Scotty?
Scotty: Great...Never been better.
Jessica: That's nice.
Scotty: It's a wonder I feel so lousy.
Bob: It's no surprise. Ever look in the mirror?
Scotty jumps up to attack Bob, but Danny stops him.
Danny: Why do you bother?
Scotty: Good point.
Burt: So, Chester, how's Campbell & Son doing?
Chester: It's fine...Just fine.
Burt: Business going well?
Chester: Fine...just fine...
Burt: You don't need any help?
Chester starts crying.
Chester: Oh, Burt, it's awful.
Burt: Why? I just offered to help. Maybe I can get some of your men to vote for me.
Chester: No, it's not that....The business is doing awfully.
Burt: What? Why?
Chester: Well, Dutch is in jail for murder, I'm a former mental institution patient...It makes potential clients doubt your credibility.
Burt: You mean my company is losing money?
Chester: No...No...Profits are just a little down. Everything will work out fine.
Chester: Trust me.
Burt: That's exactly my problem.
Jessica looks worried after Burt makes that comment.
Chester: I'm going to let that pass, since I promised Jessica there will be no fighting tonight.
Burt: Good...Good idea.
There's a moment of silence.
Jessica: So, Burt and Danny, how's your camapaign coming along?
Jodie: Oh god...Now they're going to start...
Burt: It's going great. Danny, tell them about our new slogan.
Danny: Oh yeah. "Burt - He'll get rid of all the dirt".
Jessica starts laughing. Everyone looks at her.
Jessica: What a funny slogan...Ha ha ha!!!
Billy comes downstairs.
Billy: Hey, everyone.
Burt: Hey, Billy.
Burt takes out a sticker and gives it to Billy.
Billy: Thanks, Uncle Burt.
Billy: Now, everybody, please remember to be on your best behavior, because Leslie is coming here tonight.
The doorbell rings. Billy jumps up.
Billy: That's her. Everyone stay calm!!!!
Billy runs to the door and opens it.
Leslie: Hi, Billy.
Billy: Come on in.
Leslie enters. Everyone comes up to her.
Billy: Leslie, this is everyone. You remember everyone, right?
Leslie: I think so.
Burt: Hey, Leslie. It's me, Burt, remember? Class of 1935?
Leslie: Yes, I remember.
Burt: What's the capital of New York?
Burt: Good! Nice to see you again.
Burt gives Leslie a sticker and walks away.
Scotty: Hi, Leslie. I'm Scotty Campbell.
Scotty: What's the capital of Canada?
Scotty: You were right, Dad. She IS smart!
Scotty walks away. Everyone goes to various positions around the room.
Billy: That was my cousin Scotty. Burt's son.
Leslie: Oh, I should've noticed the resemblance.
Billy: Let's go get a drink.
Leslie and Billy come up to the bar.
Billy: Benson, meet Leslie Walker. Leslie Walker, this is our butler, Benson.
Leslie: Didn't I shoot you once?
Benson: Sorry, wrong butler.
Leslie: Oh...Nice to meet you.
Benson: A pleasure.
Leslie takes a drink and goes off to talk to people.
Benson: You sure about her?
Billy: Yes, I love her.
Benson: I heard she tried to kill you once.
Billy: ONCE? It was more like 50 times....But, she's not like that anymore.
Benson: As long as you're happy...
Billy: I am.
Benson: Good. Then I'm happy too.
Leslie comes up to Wendy.
Leslie: You're awfully quiet.
Wendy: I know.
Leslie: Why? Aren't you happy to be here?
Wendy: I'm happy to be here, but I'm not happy to be in general....You see, my father thought he was an old Jewish man, so grandpa Burt and grandma Mary sent me to live with my grandparents in Texas, and then when I came back from Texas, I brought a boyfriend, but he was cheating on me, so I dumped him, and now I want to commit suicide.
Wendy: By the way, I'm Wendy Dallas.
Leslie: How nice...
Leslie gets up and walks away.
Jessica: Everybody...Please, dinner is ready. Let's all go eat.
Everybody gets up and goes to the dining room. The doorbell rings and Jessica opens it. Saunders is standing there with a gift in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Saunders: Happy Thanksgiving, Mrs. Tate.
Jessica: Thank you, Saunders.
Saunders: This is for you.
Saunders gives Jessica the gift.
Jessica: Oh, Saunders. How nice.
Saunders: Anytime, Mrs. Tate.
Jessica: What's the hammer for, Saunders?
Saunders: Oh this? This is for Benson. Where is he?
Jessica: In the kitchen.
Saunders: Thanks, Mrs. Tate.
Jessica: You're welcome.
Saunders and Jessica leave the living room. The scene shifts to the dining room, where the Tates and Campbells are eating.
Jessica: Everyone? Can I have your attention please?
Chester: Yes Jess?
Jessica: Well, I figured we'd start with a toast.
Burt: Go ahead, Jess.
Jessica: Well, I just wanted to say that we all have lots of things to be unthankful for this year, but I also think that we have lots to be thankful for too. For example, the fact that we're all here celebrating Thanksgiving as a family. Family is a very important thing, and I for one hope that we'll have many more of these family gatherings. Cheers!
Chester: I think we also need to remember all those family members who can't be here tonight: Mary, The Major, Corinne and Eunice.
Chester: What, Jess?
Jessica: You forgot Dutch.
Chester: OK, Dutch too.
Jessica: That's better.
Chester: I'm starving. Where's Benson with that turkey?
Jessica: I'm not sure. Benson! Benson!
There's no answer.
Jessica: Has anyone seen Benson?
Just then, Benson comes running out of the kitchen.
Benson: Help! Help!
Chester: Benson? What's going on?
Benson: He's trying to kill me.
Saunders comes out of the kitchen with a big butcher's knife.
Benson: You see?
Jessica: Saunders, what is the meaning of this?
Saunders: Silly Benson, I just wanted to help him cut the turkey.
Saunders brings out the turkey.
Chester: Benson, you were being foolish. Saunders just wanted to help you. Thank you, Saunders.
Saunders: You're welcome, Mr. Tate. Now, if you'll all excuse me, I need to get going.
Saunders starts leaving.
Saunders (whispering into Benson's ear as he passes by him): I'll get you next time.
Benson starts serving everyone turkey. By mistake, he drops a piece of turkey that falls between Burt and Chester's plates.
Burt: Thanks, Benson.
Chester: Excuse me, Burt?
Burt: What is it, Chester?
Chester: I believe that was my piece.
Burt: Ah, I don't think so. Benson was about to serve me when he dropped that piece.
Chester: I don't think so.
Burt: Well, I do. See, the piece fell closer to my plate than yours. So it's obviously mine.
Chester: Excuse me, but you're terribly wrong.
Burt: No I'm not. Are you telling me that my eyesight is no good?
Everyone is worried that Burt will attack Chester. Danny and Jodie jump up to stop him.
Burt: Hey, hey, don't worry. I'm not going to do anything.
Burt looks at Chester, who is smiling.
Burt: Oh, what the hell.
Burt picks up some mashed potatoes and tries to throw it at Chester, but he ducks. It hits Scotty instead.
Scotty picks up the cranberry sauce.
Chester: Hey, let go of that, you idiot.
Chester tries to pull the sauce away from Scotty. Scotty loses his grip on the sauce and it spills all over Chester.
Bob: Ha ha ha!
Chester: You know, I'm a very calm and collective man, until someone MESSES UP MY SUIT!!!
Chester tries to spill gravy on Scotty, but hits Wendy instead.
Wendy picks up some salad and tries to throw it at Chester, but misses and hits Jodie. From the shock, Jodie trips and falls into Danny, who falls into the desert cart. Desert flies everywhere.
Benson: I ain't cleanin' that.
Billy: Hey everybody, stop it!
Jessica: yes, everyone, this is Thanksgiving. Please stop!
Burt picks up the wine he bought and spills it on top of Chester's head.
Jodie: There go my 2 dollars.
Bob: And Chester's too...
Chester: Why, you little....
Chester picks up some punch and tries to spill it on Chuck and Bob. They move and he hits Jessica.
Chester: Jess...Jess...are you ok?
Jessica: Oh well, I guess dinner's ruined. That means I can join the fun.
Jessica tries to hit Chester with turkey, but misses and hits Billy.
Billy comes up to Leslie.
Billy: Why don't we go out to dinner?
Leslie: But what about your family?
Billy: Do you really want to have dinner with them?
Leslie: Good point.
Billy: Good. Let's go quickly, before you get hit.
Just then, Chuck throws a pie which hits Leslie.
Leslie: Alright, that's it!
Leslie joins in on the food fight. Food goes flying everywhere, as Benson stands and watches.
Benson: Happy Thanksgiving. Or should I say, Messy Thanksgiving.
Benson smiles. Fade to black on a closing shot of the fight.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM SOAP ONLINE!!!!
Announcer: Will Leslie and Billy have a relationship that works? Will she run away because of his family? Will the Tates and Campbells ever get together for dinner again? And if they do, will the carpet cleaners be rich? Will Saunders ever kill Benson? If he doesn't, will he become the Tates' turkey slicer? Will anything happen between Mike and Wendy? Will she let it happen? Will Eunice and Corinne find who's framing Dutch, or will the shadow find them first? These questions and many others will be answered on the next episode of:
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