In the last episode of Soap, Jessica and Chester were puzzled to learn that Billy has been accused of attempted murder, but Mallu offered to represent Billy in court and solve the puzzle. Danny is puzzled at the fact that Gwen is being chased by mobsters, but is determined to solve the puzzle and save her. Burt is puzzled by Danny’s determination. Gwen made a puzzling phone call to a mysterious person, which is quite puzzling. Mary’s Lookalike’s condition is puzzling to the doctors since they have no idea what is wrong with her. And Mary’s Lookalike puzzled both Burt and Scotty when she claimed to remember who she was.

Announcer: We begin this week’s episode of Soap where we left, off with Mary’s Lookalike telling Burt and Scotty that she remembers who she is.

Burt: You remember who you are?

Mary’s Lookalike: Yes, I do.

Burt: And…who are you?

Mary’s Lookalike: Oh come on, Burt. Don’t you remember our wedding day?

Burt: Wedding day?

Mary’s Lookalike: Yes, our sons, Danny, Jodie, Chuck and…Scotty.

Burt: You remember?

Mary’s Lookalike: I remember! I’m your wife, Mary!

Burt: Mary!

Scotty: Mom!

<Burt and Scotty cheer and then run to hug Mary. The audience claps as this is occurring>

Burt: Mary, Mary…finally, after all these years!

Mary: I’m so glad to be back, Burt.

Burt: I’m so happy to have you back.

Mary: And Scotty…you have grown so much…you’re a young man now!

Scotty: I missed you, mom.

Mary: I missed you too.

Burt: Mary…do you remember what happened to you?

Mary: Yes, I remember everything.

Burt: What happened? We thought you were dead for…14 years.

Mary: I know. It was awful.

Scotty: What happened, mom?

Mary: Well, one day when I was home alone, Ingrid showed up and drugged my coffee. When I woke up, I was in her prison. She told me that she had found a woman who had Leukemia, gave her plastic surgery to look like me and then planted her body in our house. The plan was that everyone would think I was dead and that was her ultimate revenge on our families. Ingrid figured that with Jessica already in a coma and Corinne in California, if she made it look like I was dead, the family would never recover. And in time, I began to lose all memories of who I was. I think that she was drugging me…

Burt: Mar, I’m so sorry you went through this. And it was all my fault, for never being home.

Mary: Don’t blame yourself, Burt. Ingrid wanted revenge and she got it…that’s all. None of this is your fault.

Scotty: Mom’s right. Dad, you shouldn’t blame yourself for what Ingrid tried to do to our family.

Mary: My only regret was that I never got to see how you were growing up, Scotty.

Scotty: I was growing up just fine, mom. Really I was.

Mary: I’m so happy to be back.

Burt: We’re happy to have you back too. And the rest of the family will be thrilled when I tell them.

Mary: I can’t wait to see them, and actually remember who they are.

Scotty: There’s one thing I don’t get though.

Burt: What’s that?

Scotty: How could everyone just accept the fact that the woman Ingrid planted in our house was mom and that she had Leukemia? I mean, didn’t they go through mom’s health records and see that there was no problem with her?

Voice: I think I can shed some light on this.

<Everyone looks and sees the Doctor standing in the doorway>

Mary: What is it, Doctor?

Doctor: Well, Mrs. Campbell…I guess I can call you that now that your memory has returned?

Mary: Yes, that’s my name.

Doctor: Well then, I was just going over your medical records and apparently, you took a medical test just before you were kidnapped and were diagnosed with Leukemia. The doctors never got a chance to tell you because you had “died” all of a sudden.

Burt: You mean to tell us that…

Mary: I actually have Leukemia?

Doctor: Yes.

Mary: Oh, no…am I going to die?

Doctor: Well, luckily your Leukemia is in remission.

Scotty: That’s good news, right?

Doctor: It is as long as there is no relapse. As long as you don’t have a relapse you can lead a normal life and we won’t have to do anything. But there are no guarantees that there will be no relapse. So the best way to cure the disease is to get a bone marrow transplant.

Burt: So let’s get one right now.

Scotty: It’s not so easy, dad. First we have to find someone that will match mom.

Doctor: Your son is right. It will take time.

Mary: Can I go home in the meantime?

Doctor: I don’t see why not. But I will have to monitor your condition very closely with regular check-ups. And in the meantime, it will be great if everyone in your family gets tested to see if they’re a match.

Scotty: We’ll get everyone tested right away. And I’ll be the first one.

Burt: Me too.

Doctor: Excellent. You gentlemen follow me and we’ll get you both tested right away.

Scotty: You coming, dad?

Burt: You go ahead. I’ll be there shortly.

Scotty: Okay.

<Scotty and the Doctor leave>

Burt: Mar, I’m sorry about this.

Mary: It’s not your fault, Burt. Besides, I’m in remission so everything will be fine. Now, you go get tested.

Burt: Will they put a needle in me?

Mary: Probably.

Burt: I hate needles.

Mary: I know, me too.

Burt: But I’ll be brave. I’m the sheriff! I’ll be brave…

<Burt leaves the room. Mary smiles>

<Dutch and Eunice sit in the waiting room>

Eunice: You know Dutch, I feel funny coming here and discussing our marriage with a complete stranger.

Dutch: Come one Eunice. You promised that we would see a therapist to work out our problems.

Eunice: I know, I know. And I’m not going to back on my promise. I just feel strange about it, that’s all.

Dutch: If you love me enough, you will make the sacrifice.

Eunice: I do love you, Dutch.

Dutch: And I love you. So, let’s prove that our marriage can work. Let’s see the therapist.

Receptionist: Dr. James will see you now.

Dutch: Thanks.

<Eunice and Dutch step into the doctor’s office>

Dr. James: Hello there. I’m Dr. James.

Dutch: Hi, I’m Dutch Lightner. This is my wife, Eunice.

Dr. James: Pleased to meet both of you. Now then, what seems to be your problem?

Eunice: Our marriage is crap.

Dr. James: That’s a nice way of putting it.

Dutch: Well I wouldn’t go that far…

Eunice: I would. Doctor, our marriage is falling apart. Do you know what Dutch did? He had an affair with my sister. My own sister, for God’s sakes!

Dutch: You know what she did? She’s obsessed with fantasies. We can’t do it without putting on an act.

Dr. James: An act? What do you mean?

Dutch: We have to act out a play.

Dr. James: Oh, that’s sick!

Eunice: What about him with my sister?

Dr. James: That’s pretty sick too.

Dutch: Come on doc, you can’t even begin to compare what I did with her obsessions!

Eunice: Oh come off it, Dutch. You’re just as sick as I am. More, probably!

Dr. James: It appears that the two of you have a serious problem.

Dutch: Really?

Dr. James: I’m surprised you’ve been able to stand each other for so long. That is truly a record.

Eunice: So what do you suggest that we do?

Dr. James: I have just the thing for you. I have a group of couples like you that are having problems. We meet here once a week and talk about our problems. I suggest that you join that group.

Dutch: What do you say, sweetheart?

Eunice: You mean that the great Eunice Tate will join those psychopaths and talk about my problems with common people?

Dr. James: Well, on behalf of the common people, I feel that the group will benefit from your presence.

Eunice: Oh, okay. I’ll do it.

Dr. James: Good. And in the meantime, I suggest that the two of you not engage in any sexual activity whatsoever. It’ll only aggravate your problem.

Dutch: It won’t be easy (looks at Eunice) But I can probably handle it.

Dr. James: That’s good to hear. I’ll see you both here in one week.

Eunice: Thanks, doctor. I suppose you think we’re both pretty strange.

Dr. James: Well…no, not really. Earlier I had a woman here who was sure she was a tomato and that her husband was a cucumber and wanted to make a salad with him. So in sum, the two of you are pretty normal.

Eunice: Excellent. Let’s go, Dutch.

Dutch: Thanks, doc.

<The Tates and Mallu are all in the living room, waiting for Mary and the Campbells to arrive for dinner>

Jessica: I can’t believe it. Mary is back!

Chester: Yes, Mary is back and that is excellent, but why do we need the rest of them here for dinner?

Jessica: Chester…you seem to be forgetting that you and I are not married anymore and that technically I don’t really have to invite you. So in other words, just sit down and shut up.

<The audience claps and cheers. The doorbell rings. Jessica looks at Benson>

Benson: You want me to get that?

Jessica: If you don’t mind.

<Benson goes and opens the door. Saunders is standing there>

Benson: Hello, Saunders.

Saunders: Why the heck am I here? Why was I invited to dinner with these animals?

Benson: You’re telling me? I have to serve them. And watch them eat…

Saunders: I feel for you, my good man.

<Saunders walks into the living room>

Jessica: Good evening, Saunders.

Saunders: I’ll be frank, Mrs. Tate…why the heck did you invite me to dinner?

Jessica: Because Billy told us how generous you were when you paid his bail.

Saunders: Yes, I know. But why dinner? Couldn’t you invite me to a game of bowling or something?

Jessica: I would…but I don’t have a racket. So come on in and enjoy yourself.

Saunders: Enjoy myself? Here? Now that’s a joke.

<The doorbell rings. Jessica looks at Benson>

Benson: I suppose you want me to get that too.

Jessica: I think so…

<Benson opens the door. Burt, Mary, Danny, Jodie, Chuck, Bob, Wendy, Maggie, Gwen, Mike and Scotty are there>

Burt: We’re here!

Benson: Yes, unfortunately I can see that.

Jessica: Mary?

Mary: Jess!

Jessica: Finally!

<Jessica runs over to hug Mary>

Jessica: Oh Mary, I’m so happy you’re here!

Mary: I’m happy too, Jess!

Burt: I’m happy.

Scotty: So am I.

Jodie: We’re all happy.

Benson: I’d be happy if you all left…

<The Campbells walk into the living room>

Billy: Aunt Mary, it’s so good to have you back.

Mary: I’m glad to be here…and I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for these two. <Points to Corinne and Eunice> If the two of you hadn’t rescued me, I would’ve died in that dungeon not even remembering who I am.

Corinne: It was our pleasure to save you, Aunt Mary.

Eunice: That’s right. The moment we heard your crying, we knew we had to save you.

Mary: Oh, thank you both.

<Mary hugs Corinne and Eunice>

Dutch: So, now that the family is back and united, Eunice and I have an announcement to make…we’re going to try and work out our marriage with a therapist.

Chester: Oh god, no! Princess, you can do so much better than this.

Dutch: Ha ha ha ha, that’s pretty funny, big guy!

<Dutch slaps Chester on the back and he almost falls down>

Corinne: I also have an announcement to make. As part of my efforts to be better, I have accepted a job as a receptionist at Daddy and Dutch’s construction company.

<Everyone claps>

Jessica: That’s wonderful, Corinne.

Billy: I want to make an announcement too. I know that I may be in a bit of trouble too, but I know that Mallu will get me out of it.

Mallu: Of course I will. It will be a piece of cake.

Billy: And I also want to thank Saunders for paying my bail for me.

<Everyone claps for Saunders>

Saunders: No need for applause, please.

Danny: I also have an announcement to make!

Jessica: What is it, Danny?

Danny: Gee, I forgot…

<Gwen whispers something in Danny’s ear>

Danny: Oh yeah…as you all know, I have been keeping an eye on Gwen, and…we’ve fallen in love.

<Everyone claps>

Burt: I want to announce something too…as you all know, Mary has been diagnosed with Leukemia. She’s in remission now, but she needs a bone marrow transplant. So we need all of you to go down to the hospital and get tested.

Jessica: We’ll all go first thing tomorrow morning.

<Everyone nods in agreement>

Bob: I also want to make an announcement.

Jessica: You do?

Bob: Well, no not really. I just wanted to get all of your attention.

Burt: Hey, why don’t we all have a toast for everyone that we’re honoring?

Jessica: That’s an excellent idea. Benson, will you get everyone a glass of Champaign?

Benson: No.

Jessica: Benson…

Benson: Oh, okay…

<Benson leaves and comes back with glasses for everyone>

Jessica: Okay everyone. Here’s to Mary’s return and to the rest of the family. May we all be happy and healthy for a long, long time!

Everyone: Here here!

<Everyone drinks>

Scotty: I also have an announcement for those of you who don’t know yet. But it’s a surprise, so I’ll tell you all later.

Jessica: Okay, Scotty. So until dinner is served, enjoy yourselves!

<Corinne walks up to Dutch>

Corinne: Dutch, I hope you don’t mind me working for you and Daddy.

Dutch: Of course not. You need the money and we could use the help.

Corinne: It won’t be awkward for you working with me?

Dutch: Of course not. We’re friends, right?

<Corinne smiles>

Corinne: Yes, we are.

Dutch: So it’s settled. See you tomorrow at work, Ms. Tate.

<The doorbell rings. Benson opens it. It’s Leslie, who’s now in a wheelchair>

Benson: I’m sorry. There’s no admittance to strangers.

Leslie: Don’t tell me what to do!

<Leslie wheels her wheelchair into the living room>

Billy: Leslie, what are you doing here?

Leslie: I just wanted to let you all know that I’m suing Billy for attempted murder and that he, as well as all of you, will suffer!

Billy: Leslie, just stop this and tell everyone the truth!

Leslie: You will all suffer! Suffer! Suffer!!

Danny: I think she means that we will all suffer…

Leslie: Enjoy your party while you can! You won’t be happy for long!

<Leslie leaves>

Bob: I like her.

<The doorbell rings again. Jessica looks at Benson>

Benson: Now, you don’t want me to get that.

Jessica: Yes I do.

Benson: You sure?

Jessica: I’m pretty sure.

Benson: Okay…

<Benson opens the door. It’s Carol>

Benson: Not another psychopath.

Scotty: No need to get rid of her, Benson. I invited her.

<Carol walks in>

Mary: Carol…what are you doing here?

Carol: It’s nice to see you again, Mary.

Mary: But why are you here?

Wendy: Yes mother, why are you here? This is a family affair.

Scotty: And that’s exactly why she’s here. I invited her.

Mary: Why?

Scotty: That’s my surprise, mom. Carol and I are…well…together.

Mary: Oh god…

Scotty: Aren’t you happy that I’m with someone?

Mary: But…with her?

Carol: I know you don’t like me, Mary. But I assure you that I’ve changed.

Jodie: Yeah right…

Carol: Believe it, Jodie. I have changed. And most of all I want to be with you, Wendy. And I will do everything in my power to make you believe in me.

Mary: So, in that case…we have no choice but to invite you in.

Jodie: Ma, are you nuts?

Mary: We have no choice, Jodie. If Scotty loves her…we have to accept her.

Scotty: Thanks, mom.

Mary: Anything for you.

<Carol takes Maggie aside>

Carol: You’re still with Jodie.

Maggie: That’s right. And I don’t intend to break up with him.

Carol: Alright. Your time is up. I will have to do my thing then.

Maggie: Do whatever you want. Jodie and I aren’t afraid of you and your little schemes.

Carol: You should…

<Carol walks away and dials a number on her phone>

Carol: It’s me…she refuses to co-operate. You will have to go ahead with the plan…thanks.

<Carol hangs up and Scotty walks up to her>

Scotty: There you are. I wondered where you were.

Carol: I was right here. Listen, what about Mike and Wendy? They’re still together.

Scotty: Not for long. I will do my thing and you do yours.

Carol: I knew I could count on you. And when all is over, you, Wendy and I will go away and be together forever.

Scotty: Great.

<Carol and Scotty kiss. Scene changes to Mary who is meeting Mike>

Mary: It’s so nice to meet you, Mike.

Wendy: Mike is a computer programmer, grandma.

Mary: That is really nice.

Mike: Actually I’m still studying, but I will be done soon.

Mary: Sounds exciting.

Mike: Why don’t I go get us all some more drinks?

Wendy: Okay.

<Mike walks away>

Mary: He’s such a nice young man, Wendy.

Wendy: I’m very happy with him, grandma.

Mary: That’s great…Wow, I can’t believe my little Wendy is all grown up.

Wendy: I’m so happy to have you back.

<Wendy and Mary hug>

Mary: Wow, I feel so faint all of a sudden…

Wendy: Would you like to sit down?

Mary: No, I…

<All of a sudden, Mary faints>

Wendy: Oh my god, grandma!

<Everyone rushes to where Mary has fainted>

Burt: Call an ambulance, quickly.

SOAP