Announcer: In the last episode of Soap, Burt, who thinks Scotty is an alien, asked him about his strange behavior, only Scotty asked Burt to leave him alone. Danny left the Tate pool house and moved back in with the Campbells. This leaves Annie with a slight chance of collecting in her divorce case. And Burt's friends told him if he wanted to be senator, he needs to leave his family, because their minds obviosuly left them a long time ago.
Conufsed? Don't leave, stay tuned for this episode of SOAP
This is the story of two sisters, Jessica Tate and Mary Campbell. These are the Tates, and these are the Campbells. And this is SOAP.
Scene 1: Tate kitchen. Saunders and Benson are both cooking something.
Benson: Would you pass an egg, please?
Saunders picks up an egg, and throws it at Benson, leaving his shirt soaking with yolk.
Saunders: Oh, sorry, my aim is really bad....That was supposed to hit your face.
Benson: That's not the only bad thing about you.
Saunders: Please accept my apologies.
Benson: I'd rather accept your resignation.
Saunders: Keep dreaming.
Saunders and Benson continue to cook.
Saunders: Would you pass me the flour?
Benson takes the flour bag and pours it on Saunders' head.
Benson: Oh, I'm sorry. Was that your head?
Saunders: Yes it was.
Benson: That's what I thought.
Saunders (outraged): Aren't you going to apologize?
Saunders: You're dead!
Saunders takes a bottle of oil and pours it on Benson.
Saunders: Wow, now we can make a fried egg. Ha ha ha!
Benson smiles for a moment, then takes one of the pies he's baked and throws it in Saunders' face.
Saunders: Alright, that's it.
Saunders and Benson start chasing each other around the room and throwing food at each other, until Jessica comes into the kitchen.
Jessica: Saunders! Benson! Stop this at once!
Benson and Saunders stop dead in their tracks.
Jessica: Look at this mess!
Saunders: I'm sorry, Mrs. Tate.
Benson: Me too, Mrs. Tate.
Jessica: The way you guys are going, I'd rather cook dinner myself.
Saunders and Benson jump in horror.
Saunders: No! No! Please, Mrs. Tate, we'll be good.
Benson: We promise.
Jessica: Gee, you're acting like each one of you wants the other to resign. You two should get along better.
Benson: Whatever you say, Mrs. Tate.
Jessica: Good. Now, both of you go wash up.
Saunders and Benson leave the kitchen. Jessica starts making coffee. Eunice walks in.
Eunice: Gee, what happened here?
Jessica: Oh, Benson and Saunders were just cooking dinner.
Eunice (surveying the mess): I think I'll eat out.
Jessica: That won't be necessary, Eunice.
Eunice: Can I please have some of that coffee, mother?
Jessica pours Eunice a cup and they both sit down at the table. They drink in silence for a moment.
Eunice: Mother, can I talk to you?
Eunice: I think Dutch is having an affair.
Jessica: Don't be silly, who could he possibly have an affair with?
Corinne walks into the kitchen.
Corinne: Hi, ma. Hi, Eunice.
Jessica: Hello, darling. (to Eunice) So, why on earth would you think Dutch is having an affair.
Corinne, who had just taken a sip of coffee, spits it out in shock.
Corinne: This coffee is terrible, ma.
Jessica: As if the kitchen isn't messy enough already, you have to go around spitting coffee?
Corinne: I'm sorry, ma. I'll clean it up.
Corinne gets up and starts wiping the coffee.
Jessica: Anyway, Eunice, you were saying?
Eunice: Dutch was out all night last night.
Jessica: Well, maybe he was with daddy at the gym all night.
Eunice: I checked, daddy was sleeping on the couch, and might I add, his snoring was so loud.
Jessica: I know that, Eunice. When we used to go to hotels, Chester made so much noise, both sleeping and awake, that so many hotels asked us never to come back.
Corinne sits down at the table.
Eunice: I just can't figure it out. I mean, who would sleep with Dutch? Wait a minute, I think I know who it is...
Corinne gets a worried look on her face.
Jessica: Who is it, dear?
Eunice: That blonde who lives across the street. She's been eyeing Dutch for weeks. It must be her.
Corinne breathes a sigh of relief.
Jessica: Must be...Corinne, where were you all night? You didn't come home.
Corinne: I was out, ma.
Jessica: Well, obviously you were, but who were you out with?
Corinne: A guy.
Jessica: Well, I hope it wasn't a woman.
Jessica: Well, I have to do some things. I'll be back later. Bye.
Jessica leaves. Eunice and Corinne remain at the table.
Eunice: I know.
Corinne: What do you know?
Eunice: About you and Dutch.
Corinne: Oh come on, Eunice. You're being ridiculous.
Eunice: Really? So who were you out with last night?
Corinne: My stock broker.
Eunice: Corinne, you don't own any stock.
Corinne: None that you know about...now, if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go.
Corinne gets up and leaves the kitchen.
Scene 2: Charlie's hotel room. Charlie is sitting on the bed, reading, when he hears a knock on the door.
Charlie: Who is it?
Wendy: It's me.
Charlie: Just a second.
Charlie gets up and opens the door. Wendy comes in.
Wendy: Hello, Charlie.
Charlie: Hello, Wendy.
Wendy stares at Charlie for a moment.
Charlie: Can I help you?
Wendy: What's new?
Charlie: Nothing much.
Wendy sees a bunch of logs on the floor.
Wendy: Charlie...is that what I think it is?
Charlie: Yes. I bought that forest.
Wendy: Oh, Charlie, that's great!
Wendy and Charlie hug.
Charlie: This will come in handy for us.
Wendy: Yes it will, we have a lifetime supply of firewood.
Charlie: No I mean, it'll enable me to make more money.
Wendy: Oh yeah, that too.
Charlie: Wendy, is something wrong?
Wendy: I have to confess, Charlie. I came here because I thought you were cheating on me.
Charlie: Wendy....Do you think that I would do something like that?
Wendy: I did at first, but I realized I was wrong. Can you ever forgive me?
Charlie: Well, it'll be hard.
Wendy: Why don't I take you out now to make up for it?
Charlie: I can't. I've got to make some final calculations for work.
Wendy: OK, some other time then. Charlie, I love you.
Charlie: I love you too, Wendy.
Wendy leaves the room. Charlie takes off the head of the lamp to reveal a woman standing under it.
Charlie: That was a close call.
Woman: I know....come on, let's get on with it, I've gotta earn my pay.
Scene 3: Laundromat. Jodie walks in and starts putting clothes in the machine, when he hears a voice behind them.
Woman: Excuse me, that's my machine.
Jodie turns around and sees Maggie Chandler.
Jodie: It's Jodie now.
Maggie: You're back?
Maggie: That's wonderful!
Maggie and Jodie hug.
Jodie: So, what've you been doing all these years?
Maggie: Oh, nothing much. I've been working, I've been socializing, I got married.
Jodie: You got married?
Maggie: Yeah, but it didn't work out. We broke up recently.
Jodie: I'm sorry to hear that.
Maggie: Well, it didn't work out. So, how long have you....
Jodie: Not been an old Jewish guy?
Jodie: A few weeks.
Maggie: You didn't try to track me down?
Jodie: I didn't get a chance. A lot of things have been going on in my family. I was just too busy.
Jodie: But that doesn't mean I wasn't thinking of you.
Jodie: Yes. I did think of you, but I thought you might be angry with me for what happened.
Maggie: Jodie, that wasn't your fault.
Jodie: The only reason I ever wanted to under go hypnosis was to see if I was really in love with you.
Maggie: I know. I'm not angry at you, Jodie.
Jodie finishes putting his laundry in his machine.
Jodie: Listen, how about we go for coffee?
Maggie: I'd love to.
Maggie and Jodie begin to leave.
Jodie: By the way, why'd you break up with your husband?
Maggie: Because he was cheating on me with another guy.
Jodie: And you want to go for a coffee with ME?
Maggie nods and they exit the laundromat.
Scene 4: Motel. Annie walks up to the one of the doors and knocks on it. It opens and she sees Danny standing there.
Annie: Danny? What are you doing here?
Danny: Waiting for you.
Annie walks into the room.
Annie: I'm confused. Mr. Mallu's office called and said he wanted to meet me here.
Danny: That was me. I made the call.
Danny: Because I can't get my mind off you. I wanted to see you.
Danny: I can't stand being away from you.
Annie: Danny, we discussed this. If I want to get money from Chester, we need to stay away from each other.
Danny: I know, so I figured if we meet at a hotel, no one will see us.
Annie: Danny, we can't do this.
Danny: Why not?
Annie: It's not good.
Danny: Come on, it's always good when we're together.
Annie: I suppose once wouldn't hurt.
Annie and Danny go into the bed and Danny turns out the lights
Scene 5: Tate living room. Jessica is seated at the table, and Benson is cleaning. The doorbell rings. Jessica looks at Benson.
Benson: You want me to get that?
Jessica: If you don't mind.
Saunders comes out of the dining room.
Saunders: Oh, I'll get it.
Benson: No you won't.
Benson and Saunders fight for the doorknob. Jessica gets up and opens the door while they're still fighting. Burt is standing there.
Jessica: You see guys? You don't have to fight. Opening the door is much easier.
Burt: May I come in?
Burt walks in.
Burt: Hello, Benson. Hello, Saunders.
Benson: Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Benson goes back to cleaning.
Jessica: Saunders, would you mind going upstairs and changing the beds?
Saunders: Of course not, Mrs. Tate.
Benson: Wonderful. I'll just have to change them again once he's done.
Saunders sticks his tongue out at Benson and goes upstairs.
Burt: Nice group of people you've got here.
Benson: I wish I could say the same about your family.
Jessica: Benson...Anyway, Burt, what can I do for you?
Burt: Well, I wanted to show you my speech.
Jessica: Oh, I can't wait to read it.
Burt: Can I bother you for a drink?
Jessica: Sure...Benson, would you fix Burt a drink?
Burt: Why not, Benson?
Benson: Because I don't want to.
Jessica: Come on, Benson.
Benson: Oh, alright. What would you like?
Burt: Scotch on the rocks.
Benson: Oh, alright.
Benson goes into the kitchen, and comes out with a glass of scotch with rocks in it. He places it in front if Burt.
Burt: Benson, what the heck is this?
Benson: You said you wanted scotch on the rocks.
Benson takes the drink and leaves the living room.
Jessica: So, Burt, let me read your speech.
Burt takes out a piece of paper.
Burt: Here you go.
Jessica takes the paper and reads it. She looks up after a while.
Jessica: I'm confused.
Burt: What about?
Jessica: This speech.
Burt: What's so confusing about it?
Burt: Like what?
Jessica: Like here, for example, when you're talking about how if you get elected you're going to eliminate crime. I mean, Burt, how can you eliminate crime? It just sorta happens, it's not like eliminating dust.
Burt: I know that, Jess. What I mean is that I'll be tougher on the criminals.
Jessica: There are criminals in the senate??
Burt holds his head.
Burt: No, Jess. The criminals are all over the country. You know, those people that rob, cheat, murder...
Jessica: Oh, murder. I hate murders.
Burt: Me too.
Jessica: Oh, good. Burt, if you get elected to the senate can you eliminate murders?
Burt (mumbling): I feel like I'm talking to the wall.
Jessica: What was that Burt?
Burt: I said I'm hoping I won't fall.
Burt: Yes, fall in the race to the senate.
Jessica: Oh, I see. Burt, why are you so worried then?
Burt: Why shouldn't I be?
Jessica: Well, you just said that the race is in the fall, so you'll have plenty of time to work on your speech.
Burt holds his head again.
Burt: Well, Jessica, this was fun, but I need to get going. Thanks for reading my speech.
Jessica: Anything I can do to help, let me know.
Burt walks to the door and stops when he reaches it.
Burt: Oh, and Jessica?
Burt: Lay off the alcohol, ok?
Jessica: Whatever you say, Burt.
Scene 6: Hotel lobby. Charlie sits and talks with someone, and then we see it's a woman.
Charlie: Thanks for a great time, Candy.
Candy: Oh, you're the one who made it great. You were wonderful.
Charlie: Yeah, well, I know.
Candy: I've got to get going now...call me?
Charlie: You bet.
Candy leaves. Charlie takes a sip of his drink and sighs. Suddenly he hears a man's voice behind him.
Man: Nice girl.
Charlie turns around and sees Jodie there. He turns pale.
Charlie: Mr. Dallas, I didn't see you come in.
Charlie: Would you like to join me?
Jodie: I think so.
Jodie sits down in front of Charlie.
Charlie: So, Mr. Dallas, what brings you here?
Jodie: I could ask you the same thing.
Charlie: I'm staying here, remember?
Jodie: Yes, I know...but what were you doing with that woman?
Charlie: What woman?
Jodie: That blond bombshell who just left.
Charlie: Oh, that woman?
Charlie: She's my broker.
Jodie: A broker named Candy?
Charlie: Her father owns a sugar factory.
Jodie: Charlie, do you think I'm a fool?
Charlie: Of course not, Mr. Dallas.
Jodie: Good, because I know exactly what you were doing.
Charlie: You do?
Charlie: What was I doing?
Jodie turns red.
Jodie: You were cheating on Wendy, that's what you were doing!
Charlie: Oh come on, Mr. Dallas.
Jodie: Don't play stupid with me.
Charlie: I honestly don't know what you're talking about.
Jodie: OK, that's it. I'm putting you on warning right now: If I ever catch you cheating on Wendy again, you'll regret it! Got it?
Charlie nods, even paler now.
Jodie: Glad we understand each other.
Jodie gets up and leaves.
Announcer: Will Annie win the divorce case? Will she and Danny continue to sneak around? Will Burt become senator, or will Jessica drive him crazy with her insanity first? Will anything happen between Jodie and Maggie? Will he leave her for another man like her husband did? Are Dutch and Corinne having an affair, or did they both just happen to be out all night? What will Jodie do now that he's caught Charlie cheating on Wendy? What will Charlie do? Will he change his ways? Or will he get Chester to give him tips? These questions and many others will be answered on the next episode of:
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